The Girl

I was at the ski resort, my hands wrapped around an aromatic cappuccino, slowly recovering from the cold. Even covered in ski gloves, the cold air slowly penetrated and numbed my fingers as I descended at near forty miles an hour, so I had decided to take a break for a few minutes before going back up again.

And there was this girl. She was cute, with blond hair and blue eyes, off in a corner. She wasn't skiing, she wore sneakers, jeans and a hoody. She was extremely attractive, enough that she had distracted me from my cup several times. But her boyfriend stood by her (they kissed at least once) and he was an immense man. I knew by sight that he played against the bears in football when he was in high school. And I don't mean "the bears" as in a football team. No, I mean real goddamn grizzly bears. This man was in a black hoody adorned with a skull, snowboard boots on his feet, so I knew immediately, he was a badass who'd snap my neck if I so much as winked at his girl.

I thought I was being discreet. Truly I did. A girl of her stature could not be ignored however hard I tried. But at one point she went to the bathroom and the boyfriend approached me, looking very put out.

"You looking at my girl?" he demanded.

"No! No, I . . .ah I'm a homosexual!" I lied, hoping to save my neck.

"Really now!"

"I was uh, bemoaning the fact that you were taken, I'm sorry man," I said.

He leaned over to me, "wanna go someplace tonight?" he whispered.