"Well Dick, its almost november and we're in deep shit," Dubya said. "The economy is takin' a dive, we're in a war that the people don't like and they're about to vote in a black man fer president. There ain't much we can do now."
"What are you suggesting?" Cheney asked.
"People hate us Dick, the history books ain't gonna say nothing good 'bout us," Dubya replied. "But what if there was no history after we leave office? Lets nuke China."
"You know I love shootin' people as much as you do Georgie, but why?"
"Think man! No one likes the You-nited States anymore and we're in a state of dee-cline, like ancient Rome. Our economy is shit, our military is rivaled by China and the oil business is runnin out on us. Why not take the world with us? Who'll remember that I was a shitty president if everyone's dead?"
"No one"
"Exactly. And lets nuke France for good measure, but make it look like them Britons did it, hee hee hee. Make sure to knock down the Empire State buildin'."
"You mean the Eiffel tower? The Empire State building is in New York."
"Yeah, yeah, the Empire tower, whatever its called."
"When do you want the nukes to be launched?"
"How about next Sunday after we come back from huntin?"
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Chevy Cavalier
A man pulled up to the car fair in a red Chevy Cavalier, license plate 565 PE, year 2000 model.
"You can't park here," the traffic volunteer said.
"Why not?" the man asked
"This is for antiques or rare cars only," the other replied.
"This is an antique."
"Really?" the man said skeptically.
"Yeah, 2000 model."
"Thats not old enough."
"Not old enough? That was eight years ago! I wasn't even in high school yet!"
"Still not old enough. You can't park here unless the car is an antique or rare."
"This is a rare car."
"Yeah right."
"It is! How often do you see a Chevy Cavalier?"
"Almost every day."
"Ah! But how often do you see a red Chevy Cavalier with a dent in the side?"
"A dent doesn't make your car special."
"Oh but it was a very special incident that caused the dent."
"Tell me."
"I hit a post."
"How is that special?"
"It was a special post."
"A special post?"
"It had to be special if it was strong enough to dent a Cavalier!"
"Cavaliers aren't exactly strong armored."
"Oh really, have you ever seen one get run over by a tank?"
The man sighed. "No . . ."
"Well, how can you say that the tank would crush it? I'd bet the Cavalier would win against a tank."
"How do you know?"
"How do you know it wouldn't? I'm telling you, it was no ordinary post."
"What was it made out of?"
"Cement"
"How does cement make it extraordinary?"
"It was extraordinary cement. Look at the damage to my car!"
"Cement would do that to any car!"
"Not this car!"
"Please sir, I have to ask you to leave, you're holding up the line."
"All I need is a parking spot."
"And why can't you park in the visitor lot? I see plenty of spaces."
"Because this is a rare car, an antique even."
The man sighed.
"A dented 2000 Chevy Cavalier. It isn't every day that you see one."
"Fine, go park over there next to the hippy van and the Oscar Myer Wiener. Just keep that . . . thing . . . away from my Mustang."
"Nah, now that I think about it, I'll park in the visitor's lot."
In other news, a man was found dead at the car fair. The victim was found in his red, dented, Chevy Cavalier, apparently he was shot. Authorities say they have the suspect in custody but are not ready to release his name.
"Thats a rare car," the reporter said.
"Indeed," the anchor replied. "It isn't every day that you see a dented red Chevy Cavalier."
"You can't park here," the traffic volunteer said.
"Why not?" the man asked
"This is for antiques or rare cars only," the other replied.
"This is an antique."
"Really?" the man said skeptically.
"Yeah, 2000 model."
"Thats not old enough."
"Not old enough? That was eight years ago! I wasn't even in high school yet!"
"Still not old enough. You can't park here unless the car is an antique or rare."
"This is a rare car."
"Yeah right."
"It is! How often do you see a Chevy Cavalier?"
"Almost every day."
"Ah! But how often do you see a red Chevy Cavalier with a dent in the side?"
"A dent doesn't make your car special."
"Oh but it was a very special incident that caused the dent."
"Tell me."
"I hit a post."
"How is that special?"
"It was a special post."
"A special post?"
"It had to be special if it was strong enough to dent a Cavalier!"
"Cavaliers aren't exactly strong armored."
"Oh really, have you ever seen one get run over by a tank?"
The man sighed. "No . . ."
"Well, how can you say that the tank would crush it? I'd bet the Cavalier would win against a tank."
"How do you know?"
"How do you know it wouldn't? I'm telling you, it was no ordinary post."
"What was it made out of?"
"Cement"
"How does cement make it extraordinary?"
"It was extraordinary cement. Look at the damage to my car!"
"Cement would do that to any car!"
"Not this car!"
"Please sir, I have to ask you to leave, you're holding up the line."
"All I need is a parking spot."
"And why can't you park in the visitor lot? I see plenty of spaces."
"Because this is a rare car, an antique even."
The man sighed.
"A dented 2000 Chevy Cavalier. It isn't every day that you see one."
"Fine, go park over there next to the hippy van and the Oscar Myer Wiener. Just keep that . . . thing . . . away from my Mustang."
"Nah, now that I think about it, I'll park in the visitor's lot."
In other news, a man was found dead at the car fair. The victim was found in his red, dented, Chevy Cavalier, apparently he was shot. Authorities say they have the suspect in custody but are not ready to release his name.
"Thats a rare car," the reporter said.
"Indeed," the anchor replied. "It isn't every day that you see a dented red Chevy Cavalier."
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