The Five Pointed Condom

"Holy crap!" Jeff cried out, pointing to a pile of latex that sat on the counter. "Look at that there condom! Man, I didn't know a feller could come equiped like that! You could do five girls simultaneously! Five! Holy Jesus, havin' five peckers!"
"Uh that's a latex glove . . ." I muttered.
Jeff was silent a moment.
"Oh. Well shoot."

***********

I was headed down the street when I ran into Sarah.
"Hi! You missed me at the supermarket!" she gushed.
"Missed? More like, 'narrowly avoided'" I replied.
Somehow, that upset her.

***********

FAR 91.15 states that no pilot in command of a civil aircraft may drop an object from an aircraft in flight that can cause a hazard. However, this section does not prohibit the dropping of objects if reasonable precaution is taken to avoid injury or damage.

So I shouted "Look out below" from my Skyhawk before I dropped the toilet paper rolls.

That's a reasonable precaution.

Isn't it?

***********

"Bob bob bob. Bob bob and Ann. Bob bob bob. Bob bob and Ann. Bob and Ann! Don't eat my ham! Bob bob bob, Bob and Ann, don't take my ham!" He was singing.

"Those aren't the words!" I said.

Brian Wilson rolled in his grave.

And he isn't even dead yet.